The First Time. (4)
The journey to Enugu wasn’t all roses and sunshine. It was barely sunflowers and fresh air.
I struggled to pay for my acrylics. I didn’t plan on getting them. I wanted to go natural. Be natural. Up until he sent me a video of him cooking with his female best friend and I saw her nails. . . And her house. My insecurities got triggered. So yes, the next day I was in a salon getting my nails done and paying through my nose for it.
I struggled with my transport fare. Apparently the harmattan came a bit too early and chose my bank account as it’s new route. It came with a vengeance. For a moment I thought it had a personal vendetta against me.
Lastly, I struggled with myself. I didn’t feel like traveling. I was weak and lethargic for the most part. I felt as excited as a five year old getting an injection. That should have been a sign. But no. Not me. I have a penchant for finishing things I shouldn’t have started in the first place.
I got to Enugu in the evening on the 24th of September. No. I actually got there at night because I began packing at the last minute. I became a prayer warrior somewhere in between my house and Peace park Enugu because I was breaking rules. . . Home rules. My parents weren’t aware I was traveling.
‘You’re late.’ he pinpointed, standing bare chested at the gate.
‘Obviously.’ I replied, distracted by the yummy specimen standing right in front of me.
Why was he wearing ashawo shorts?
‘Collect your balance.’ he said, adjusting his glasses and bending to pick my bags.
I had totally forgotten about the Keke man. Whew.
‘Sorry sir o.’ I sang, still distracted. ‘Thank you so much.’
He was really kind. I was totally ignorant of our destination when I got into his ride but he was patient till we figured it out.
‘God bless you sir.’
Before I could get a response I was halfway into the compound. His kindness almost forgotten. I was sure God would bless him. I was also tired. Hungry. Broke. And I was about to have a tall glass of wine all to myself. Red wine. . . Or caramel as the case may be.
I walked into the room two minutes after him and met him with a mop in hand.
‘I’m really sorry. The place is a mess. I’ve been really busy with work.’ he started.
Of course you have.
‘. . . And my roommate is all shades of messy. I should have come in to clean earlier.’
You should have.
‘. . . But I was too busy.’
Mm-hm. Busy cooking with your bestie.
‘I’m really sorry.’ he said, finally ending the apology, his eyes reminding me of puppies.
I didn’t. But hey, life happens right?
‘You must be tired.’ he said, wiping his hands on his shorts.
‘Are you hungry?’ He asked, smiling at me and picking up his phone.
‘Am I hUngRy?’ I asked, repeating the words like they were an abomination.
‘Right. Sorry.’ he said with a chuckle. ‘You should have your bath and then eat.’
‘Do you need hot water?’
‘Yeah.’ I answered, not sure I really needed it. The weather was warm.
‘The kitchen is that way.’ he said, pointing to the kitchen and picking up his phone again.
I wasn’t sure which annoyed me more. Him insinuating that I had to boil my bath water myself or the fact that he wasn’t paying any attention to my black, lace panty. Had I become unattractive? Why was he on the damn phone?!
‘Are you ready?’ he asked, sparing me a glance.
‘Not yet.’ I answered, annoyed.
He didn’t notice.
‘I’ll go first then.’ he said, pulling off his shorts before I could protest. ‘I’m really tired.’
Something was off. This wasn’t the guy I knew. This person was different. My ass wasn’t getting squeezed, my ears nibbled on, my breasts in a baby’s grip. This. . . This was different. He barely even looked at me. That was different.
And that lace panty was new!
‘I forgot how long it takes you to have a bath.’ he said as I walked in naked, fresh from the bathroom.
He was finally looking at me.
‘Well, yeah. I have to wash my vagina well. . .’ I started, stealing a glance at his expression. ‘Wash my feet well, wash my. . .’
‘Mmhm. I got your message in the first part.’ he said, mischief dancing in his eyes.
‘Of course you did.’ I answered, rolling my eyes and trying to hide a smile.
‘Your soap smells nice.’ he said, still staring, his fingers combing his hair. Ugh!
‘I smell nice.’ I drawled, reaching to touch his hair. Running my hands through his grassy hair was one of my favourite things to do.
His eyes lit up a little as he drew me in for a hug.
‘You are beautiful.’
He always knows the right thing to say.
I smiled. My hands were around his neck now and his hands were finally paying attention to my ass.
‘I love the red lights.’ I said, my voice going an octave lower as I nibbled on his ear. ‘And the curtains.’
The curtain close to the mirror shimmered and glittered. It looked like it belonged to a strip club. It wasn’t an actual curtain. It was more like long, slim, glittery ropes threaded together.
‘I’m glad you like it.’ he said in a moan.
I chuckled. ‘Of course I do.’ I was reaching for his nipples now. ‘I’ll put my legs on your shouuuuuu. . .’
‘I’ve missed you.’ he said a smile dancing in his eyes as I turned to stare at him for a brief moment. ‘So much.’
My replies got lost somewhere in between his teeth and his tongue as I was drawn in for a kiss. A battle of tongues if I’m being honest. I let out a muffled moan as his hands brushed my breasts, giving my nipples a gentle caress and going in search of more hoely places. He smiled when his fingers found my clit and my nails dug into his shoulders.
I missed him.
I let myself get dragged to the bed, our tongues barely missing each other as his fingers played a game of hide and seek with my vagina. His dick was in a baby’s grip now, my index finger playing with the tip while my left hand tightened on his nape.
I missed this.
Having the full bodied length of a beautiful male right in between my legs. My petite figure welcomed his weight like a missing piece. He smelled like sin and spice,and his fingers. . . Oh his fingers. The way they went in and out of my vagina mirrored our relationship but damn. . .this felt good. He felt good. His weight on me felt good. His tongue felt. . .
Hooolly Christ! His tongue!
Somewhere in between me reminiscing and stroking his dick, his mouth had traveled places.
Was that my moan?
Yes, it must be because . . . ‘Oooh! Oohh yes. Right there!’
His tongue felt like fresh water and my clit was thirsty. My entire vagina was. . .
‘Yes. . ’ My voice was shaky now. My legs. . .
He slid in his finger. He. . . Damn! My back arched as my hips ditched the sedentary posture and matched the thrust of his finger every split second.
I must have lost control in between listening to his moans, lifting my head to stare at his tongue in my vagina and fucking his finger because minutes later I was shaking like a leaf losing a fight with the wind. This felt like heaven. My entire body combed thoroughly with intense pleasure. My eyes interacting with the Divine (I could swear I saw a galaxy). Him sucking my juices like they gave life. The sedated calm that followed. . .
‘You liked that?’ he asked, his mouth nibbling on my ear, his voice music to my ears.
How did he. . ?
‘Thank you.’ I said, smiling lazily, temporarily incapable of forming longer sentences.
I felt drunk. My body felt like wet feather. Light and heavy simultaneously.
He chuckled. ‘You’re welcome Cherry.’
I stretched lazily as I stifled a yawn. The sun had come up early and the way it painted yellow pictures on the dark tiles showed the time was somewhere around 8am.
Dark tiles? This wasn’t my house!
My eyes opened a little wider as I flung one leg off the bed. Something held me and something else poked my butt. What the. . .?
‘Good morning beautiful.’
Ookkay! Definitely not my house.
‘Oh hey. Good morning.’ I said, my heart slowing a little.
‘Are you alright?’
‘Yeah. Mm-hm.’ I answered, turning to plant a kiss on his forehead.
‘How was your night?’ His eyes were still closed. His hand was still around me. Damn. . . This felt good.
How was my night? How was my. . .? Oh!
‘It was beautiful. Yours?’
‘Lovely.’ he said, his mouth searching for a nipple.
‘Shu!’ I shouted, pushing him away. ‘I’m hungry young man.’
‘Me too baby.’ he smiled. ‘Me too.’ His mouth went in search of another nipple.
My efforts to push him away turned futile as my second breast got captured in his hands and his fingers played with my nipples hungrily. I gave in and arched, enjoying every bit of the early morning torture and subconsciously easing my legs to accommodate his weight. And then he stopped.
My eyes opened to him staring at me, a boyish grin splashed all over his face.
‘What were we saying?’ he asked, his eyes never leaving mine.
‘You’re such a tease.’ I replied, pushing my shirt - his shirt - down and searching for a pillow to hit him with.
‘Easy tiger. Easy. . .’ he said, jumping off the bed in one fluid movement, dodging the pillow in the process. His giggles were suddenly annoying. My nipples were still peaked and he stared at them pointedly, a grin lifting the corner of his lips right before he found my eyes and walked into the kitchen.
‘What would you like to eat?’ he called out.
‘Whatever!’ I was still annoyed.
‘Fried eggs? Bread? Tea? Oats?’
‘I said whatever.’ Now I was feigning annoyance.
‘Oh come on!’ He said, letting out an exasperated sigh. ‘What is it?’ he asked as he made his way to the bed and cupped my cheeks.
‘Nothing.’ I replied, trying to pull away, dodging his kiss.
He sighed and lay down on the bed pulling me down with him.
‘Alright. I’m sorry.’ he said, planting a kiss on my forehead. I softened.
‘I really love these red lights.’ I mumbled, drawing patterns on his chest.
‘You’ve said that before.’
‘Yeah. . . They’d be great to have sex in.’ I explained. ‘It has a really sinful edge to it and. . .’
‘You’re serious about us having sex?’ he interrupted, propping himself on an elbow to stare at me.
‘Well, yeah.’ I answered, my gaze dropping. ‘I thought we agreed on that.’
‘It’s still a bit surprising. . .’
‘. . . I mean, I thought you’d have scratched that off our bucket list since we haven’t exactly been communicating.’
I almost did.
‘. . . So how do you want it?’ he asked. ‘How do you have it planned in your mind?’
‘Wellll, I want to be drunk. I understand that the pain might get a bit unbearable and I don’t want to be completely sober. . .’ I explained.
‘. . . Apart from that, I don’t think I want so much. Just you.’
‘And you’re sure you’re ready?’ he asked, staring intently.
‘I believe I am.’ I said, finally meeting his gaze.
‘So what kind of alcohol do you like?’ he asked after we had gone through the alcohol section three times in the mall.
‘Welllllll, I really like Smirnoff ice.’ I muttered, my brows furrowing as I lifted a bottle of vodka. ‘. . . And please don’t say it’s not an alcoholic drink.’
* * *
Amidst the red lights and sexual tension we found our way out of the house later in the day. We stopped at a barbecue joint,picked a fish, grabbed two king-sized wraps of shawarma and visited the park. We had a bit of fun. Talked about everything and nothing in general. Ate like our lives depended on it. It kinda did.
He suddenly put up emotional walls when it was time to leave for the mall. Walls that were difficult to penetrate. Our conversations became shallow and it felt like we were strangers.
Was he scared?
All my efforts to get him to open up bore really shriveled fruits as all my questions were answered with an ‘I’m just tired.’ I got tired too and let him be.
We walked through the mall almost silently. I’d ooh and aaah over a skincare product and he’d grin or chuckle. Up until we got to the liquor section.
Arguing with him over the prices of different drinks was fun. Him pointing out the difference in mall prices and club prices was enlightening but we were yet to choose ours.
* * *
‘Well, we haven’t come across Smirnoff so how about vodka?’ he asked, lifting a bottle.
‘. . . Oh see, it has chocolate. What do you think?’ he asked again, turning to stare at me.
‘That should be fun.’ I replied, dropping the little bottle of gin I held.
‘Alright then. So what are we diluting it with?’ he asked, putting the bottle in a basket as we continued our walk.
‘Coke?’ I replied, paying more attention to the snacks on the shelf. ‘. . . That’s the most common.’
‘Do you want ice cream?’ he turned to ask, his brows lifting when he saw me with three Snickers in hand.
‘Do I wAnT iCe CrEam?’ I asked, stopping to stare at him in utter bewilderment.
‘Right.’ he said, a grin finally growing on his face. ‘ Sweet tooth.’
‘Your one and only.’ I replied, flicking my imaginary hair.
He giggled this time.
We had licked almost all the popsicles on the way home. He grabbed some after I squealed with sheer joy at the sight of them. My skirt was stained with chocolate but it was still a beauty. A carton coloured, mini beauty. That was the first time I was putting on something that short but I pulled it off. I have the legs for it anyways.
‘I’ll miss that skirt.’ he drawled as he watched me undress.
‘Wellll, you can see everything in 3D when it’s gone.’ I replied, turning to jiggle my ass.
‘Mm. I still love seeing the shape of your legs in it.’ he moaned, coming to stand behind me.
‘So should I keep it on?’
‘No ma’am.’ He bent to kiss my neck.
We both laughed.
‘So are we bathing before or after drinking?’ He was undressing now.
‘After,if our eyes are still clear.’ I was headed for the remaining plate of ice cream. Picking it up I waltzed to the mirror and bent to twerk while scooping some ice cream. I was on the floor before I even started.
Someone chuckled. Turning to glare at him I scooped another spoon angrily.
‘Out of practice?’ he asked, staring at me leisurely.
‘Nope. Just a little heavy.’ I replied, pulling myself and my pride up. We’d see who is out of practice soon. Dammit though! I really wanted to be sexy.
‘Mmhm.’ he mumbled, smiling and shifting his attention to his phone.
‘Soooo. . . The alcohol?’ I asked, needing backup.
‘Yea, but we should make it fun.’ he answered, quickly dropping his phone to open the bottle.
‘Okayy. What do you have in mind?’ I was done with the ice cream now. I pulled out a chair to sit and it felt like ice, understandably so because my ass and legs were bare. Settling in I looked up to listen to him.
‘Truth or dare?. . .’ He strolled to the kitchen to get plastic cups.
‘Never have I ever?. . .’
‘Yeah. Never have I ever is a lot better.’ I said, picking up a cup to check how clean it was. ‘. . .Truth or dare is a bit lame.’
The cup was clean.
‘Soo, do you have a list of questions or?. . .’ He was diluting the alcohol now.
‘We’ll check google.' I replied, grabbing a cup for a taste of our purchase. My face crumpled immediately.
‘This doesn’t taste like chocolate!’ I screamed. . . Calmly.
‘Wellll, it does have a background taste.’ he replied.
I glared at him.
‘What? I didn’t produce the alcohol.’ he replied, giggling. ‘Vodka is naturally bitter.’
‘Mmhm. Obviously.’ I retorted.
‘Alright. It’s ready.’ he said, pulling out his phone.
‘. . . Ok, so this is how it’s gonna work. You’ll ask a question and if I’ve never done it I’ll drink. And vice versa. Agreed?’
‘Agreed.’ I replied, my face still crumpled, my tongue regretting it’s curiousity.
An hour later and half a bottle of vodka down we both lay on the bed asking random questions, Google totally forgotten. The red lights were in their full glory and we both were half naked. I let my hand take a slow stroll down my body and stop at my lace thong.
Feeling strangely empowered I slid my fingers into my thong and found my clit, letting out a moan at that exact moment. That caught his attention. Rubbing my clit I found his gaze and held, letting my lashes flutter as a myriad of emotions washed over me. He stared at me for a brief moment and let his eyes take a tour of my body, my hands leading the way. His moan caught me slipping a finger into my vagina just as he stood to take the thong off.
He watched me. I let him watch me as I played with my clit and felt the velvet texture of my walls simultaneously. He bent to plant a kiss on my navel and my hands went in search of my nipples. I wanted this but not with my own hands.
‘I want you.’ I moaned, my clit throbbing.
‘Not yet Cherry.’ he replied, his voice hoarse. He watched me.
‘Please. . .’ Both my nipples were at attention now and my vagina. . .
‘Pl. . . Oohh! Mm!’
His tongue was in me before I could finish my sentence. My eyes visited the back of it’s sockets for a while as my hands caught his hair.
He. . . Was. . . Good.
Lapping up my juices and sucking my clit, he drove a finger into me. My moans were erratic now and I was somewhere in between holding on and letting go. . . Then I heard him moan.
I could have rivaled an earthworm in it’s dance or an epileptic in it’s convulsions. My orgasms were intense. I was convinced my body left no iota of pent up pleasure in a corner when I came because once I was down from that peak I was spent. Completely.
But not today.
Today before I could fully climb that hill something was prodding my hole. Something long, something hard. My eyes flew open. I was ready for this. I was.
Was I really?
‘Are you ready?’ I could hear the passion in his voice.
‘Yes.’ I answered, swallowing imaginary saliva.
He slid in gently, his gaze searching my face. It hurt. I closed my legs instinctively. His weight was no longer welcome. It hurt.
‘Are you sure you’re ready?’ he asked as he took it one inch at a time, his gaze never leaving my face.
‘Yes.’ My voice shaky. I forced my legs open. I was ready for this.
My body wasn’t.
I pushed him away as he went in deeper. My moans turned to groans. It felt like a nail was being driven into my skin and I didn’t want to do anything about it. It hurt. Tears stung the corners of my eyes as I forced my legs apart to accommodate him. I wanted this. I wanted him.
‘Does it hurt?’
‘DoEs it HuRt?’ My brain repeated sarcastically. Where was this boy from? Mars?
‘Not really.’ I replied, trying to still my shaky voice, eager to finish what I had started.
He pushed in a little deeper and I let out a cry.
‘I’m so sorry.’ he said, his eyes searching my face.
Of course you are.
‘I’m really sorry.’
Neither of us could go back now. It was too late to stop. Too late for a change of mind. I nodded as I let my legs spread again. I could do this. I’ve endured pain so I could end. . .
‘Oohh! Oh Jesus!’ I screamed.
He had gone all in! At once! I felt the pain explode right in between my eyes and then it subsided. . . Not entirely. He was fucking me now and it still hurt. It still fucking hurt!
‘Can you. . . Can you stop please?’ I begged, unable to control the shakiness in my voice now.
‘Of course.’ he replied, pulling out instantly. ‘Are you alright? How do you feel?’
‘I . . .’ It started as a few drops and in split seconds I was crying profusely. For no particular reason.
‘I’m so sorry.’ he said, a cloud covering his features.
‘It’s not your fault.’ I said, trying to control my tears. He drew me in to his chest.
‘I’m so so sorry.’ he repeated.
I was too. I was sorry for what I just lost. I didn’t regret it but I wasn’t ecstatic either. It wasn’t what I had imagined. There was no pleasure after. All I felt was pain and an emptiness I couldn’t define.
‘I’m so sorry.’ He was rocking me like a child. It was so cute I found a way to smile through my tears.
‘It’s not your fault.’ I repeated, my voice less shaky. ‘We both agreed to this, remember?’ The tears had subsided. I felt a little lighter.
My vagina was still sore but my mood had changed. The tears were almost forgotten. There was a new surge of energy and a bit of excitement. I was curious and ready to explore.
‘Should we try again?’ I asked, pulling away from his embrace.
He stared at me, his features totally blank.
‘I’m serious.’ I said, smiling.
‘You were crying just two minutes ago.’ he said, still staring like I had grown horns.
‘So?’ I asked, my eyes glinting with mischief and unbridled curiosity.
‘You sounded like it really hurt.’ he replied.
Oh yes, it did.
‘Sooo?’ he asked, eyeing me.
‘Soo, I’m going to kiss you now.’ And I did, my hands going in search of his dick.
‘Are you sure about this?’ he asked, pushing me away for a second.
I was sure. The tiny, slimy obstacle was out of the way and I wanted more.
Neither of us needed any more persuasion.
We tried again. And again. . . And again. Last night. This morning. This afternoon. Now. . . It still hurt. The look of mild disgust that tainted his features as he pulled out of me made a painful stamp on my mind.
The walls of my vagina refused to totally accommodate him. I was barely getting wet. But we kept trying. I was weak and tired and sore. My hips were sore. He looked. . . Disappointed. That hurt.
‘I’m sorry.’ I muttered, willing him to look at me.
‘For?’ he asked, raising his eyes to meet mine as he wiped himself clean.
‘I feel I can’t please you.’ I explained. ‘At first I was worried I couldn’t please you because I wasn’t ready for sex, now it seems I can’t even please you either way.’
‘It’s not your fault.’ he answered, reaching for more tissue.
‘I know. . .’ My heart broke. Sharing the look of disappointment was tiredness. Not fatigue. Actual tiredness. ‘I’m really sorry. Hopefully I’ll adjust soon enough.’ I said, my tone pleading.
I hated that look of disgust. It really wasn’t my fault. I knew it wasn’t but I still felt guilty. He wouldn’t even look at me.
‘That’s alright.’ He was done cleaning up now. ‘Whoever you’re with would have to be a bit patient. . .’
Whoever?! My heart sank.
‘I. . . We would have to be patient for the next few months and wait for you to adjust.’ he continued.
Damn! He wasn’t looking at me as he said those words. That only meant. . .
‘So about what we talked about?’ I asked, swiftly changing the topic or rather changing it’s dynamics. ‘What do you want?
My heart was in my mouth now. I knew deep down I had played myself. I didn’t want to believe it but. . .
‘A friendship or a relationship?’
‘Do we really have to talk about this now?’ he asked, picking up his phone.
‘When else?’ I shouted.
‘Well, when next you come.’ he answered, faking a smile.
Oh yes. I was supposed to be on my way home.
‘You should really get going. I don’t want you on the road at night.’
Is he serious?!
He went with me to the park. I wasn’t myself and he knew it. My countenance remained cloudy. I was confused and I hated being confused. We strolled to the ticket stand without saying a word, bought the ticket in stoic silence and went to sit in wait of other travelers.
‘What is it Cherry?’ he asked, finally breaking the silence.
‘You of all people should know.’ I replied, struggling to keep my voice under control. ‘I can’t do this with you anymore Max. I can’t have you stringing me along anymore. I worked really hard to get past that.’ My voice broke.
‘You really want us to talk about this, don’t you?’ he asked, averting his gaze, suddenly uncomfortable.
‘There’s actually nothing to talk about.’ I answered, letting a tear drop shamelessly. ‘Just tell me what you want.’
I knew what he wanted. I always knew.
‘Alright then. . . Alright.’ he replied, standing to his feet. ‘. . . I want a friendship Cherry.'
A dagger might have lanced my heart at that moment because I winced, my eyes closing like it could shut out the truth.
‘I’ve gained the clarity I needed Cherry.’ That damn name! ‘. . . I just want my friend back. I came back for my friend.’
Deep breath. . . Breathe in.
I gave him two options and he made his choice. I was expecting a different result but honestly, who was I kidding? In cases like this my expectations were always cut short. I was never lucky. Never chosen. That was his choice and there was nothing I could do about it. I couldn’t blame him for it either. I could only make mine. Choose my own path. A different path.
I didn’t see his face when my eyes finally opened. I didn’t see anyone else either. The only thing painfully clear was my bus home and that’s the direction I was headed for when I stood. That was all that mattered.
Not the pain I felt. Not the tears in my eyes. Not my name being called in the background. . . Home.
That was all that mattered.